Fix You
by DramaticField
Summary: Sue Clearwater gets tired of her daughters despondent moods and attitude, and makes her go see a shrink. Will it help heal her like Sue intends or will it lead to more problematic heartache? Written in Leah's point of view and Rated T just in case.
1. Help

**Fix You**

**Author's Note: This is Post-Eclipse, pretending as though Breaking Dawn didn't happen. Leah's phased, and in Sam's pack for about two months.**

**Leah's point of view**

"It's time you see someone," she said bluntly; not remorse in her features for her harsh words.

My eyes opened wide, though I didn't feel anything; only slight shock. It was hard to actually feel emotion anymore around people. I wasn't a compassionless shrew, but it was easiest to appear that way for obvious reasons. "See someone?"

"A shrink, Lee," Mom said softly, Seth hovering by on the island bar stool.

"I don't need a shrink," I said sharply, defence piercing my words.

That made her composure shatter for a second, her lips turning down. Though I could tell she wasn't going to rephrase or take her advice back. "I think you could only benefit from talking to someone. This isn't normal, sweetheart," her tone softened. "At first, I understood and I thought you would get over it with time, but you've only gotten worse in a lot of ways. You've grown... cold. You're not the Leah I used to know," her voice broke, her frown broadening at the thought of the cold bitch her daughter turned out to be. What did she expect?

I only then noticed from my position against the door frame, just having got home from patrol - which, in my defence, fuelled my already short temper - Jacob's dad hovering over by the back door, watching.

"What's he doing here?" I asked, looking from him, to my mom, more bitchiness in my tone than I _really _meant... Well, maybe not.

"He's just here to help; for support. You know your father's not here right now and-"

"You _never _needed dad," I said gently. "Not to support your decisions. You're not dependant on anyone, mom. You're strong enough to do this yourself."

She thought my words over for a second, they were still harsh, but the sad reality was, she'd gotten use to it and she had gotten use to ignoring it. "Leah, just please, for me."

"I don't need a shrink," I repeated.

Billy sighed. "Leah... Jacob's gone through the same thing you have, and he's trying to get over it," he wheeled into the room further, stopping beside the island that my mother was stood behind. "You're.. not, or not succeeding. Something. Maybe you just need a little push to get you started."

A bitter, harsh laugh escaped my lips as I crossed my arms over my chest, leaving my face emotionless despite my anger and angst. "Jacob," I let his name linger for a second before selectively choosing my words. "No disrespect, Billy, but Jacob and I aren't exactly comparable." 

"How so?" He asked, clearly pushing for me to express something other than cattiness.

"Our situations are different."

"Elaborate," he pried.

"You're not a shrink. You're doing yourself no good, and I'm not going to see one," I said matter-of-factly, looking back to my mother as I spoke.

"Yes, you are. This anger... resentment, I can't deal with it anymore, Lee. At first, yeah, I understood. You and Sam had been together a long time and had been extremely close, but you have to move on. I can't stand seeing you hurt anymore."

Her words almost made me reconsider my tone, but fuck it. "No, I'm not. I'm eighteen and you can't _make _me do anything."

"As long as you're living under my house Leah Amelia Clearwater, I can make you do as I please. This is going to help you. How can you not see that?"

"Because telling some idiot trained to sit down and nod his fucking head at whatever I say and ask me how I feel about that, even after I've already told him isn't my idea of healing!" I exclaimed.

"Watch your tone, and your mouth," she chastised lightly. Mom wasn't one for yelling or disapproving harshly, but she also got her point across and I guess I got my stubbornness and determination from her. I seemed weak, but to get through what I was put through every fucking day, I knew I was far from it, even though I doubted it myself sometimes. "You're going. I've got you a meeting with someone in Seattle at four o'clock tomorrow afternoon. Just give it a try," she said, slightly drained.

Billy gave me a reassuring smile. "It will help, Leah. Maybe you can even talk to Jacob."

"About what?" I asked, sharply, unbelieving how my mother would just sign me up for something I didn't want to do. "How he had a crush who didn't return his feelings? Right," a unkind laugh escaping my lips as I shook my head. "Yeah, well I was with Sam for years, and he loved me back. He held me in bed and kissed me and told me how much he loved me. My and Jacob's situations are _far _from the same."

I shook my head, my face falling slightly as I turned on my heel abruptly, walking into the living room.

No one called out to me. They all knew I was too far gone to care.

I knew it, and I didn't like it, but what they were doing was wrong.

The next day came all too quickly, for once. It seemed when getting up wasn't the worst thing on your mind, the morning came even quicker than usual, just to get to the unpleasant event as fast as it could. Every night, the dark seemed short, sleep, a blessing sometimes. Waking up, especially after the nightmares stopped and things were... peaceful, was like waking up to a nightmare. Maybe that was too gloomy and too dull; too depressing, but it was true. Everything was dull. I wanted to move on, I really did, but everything went back to Sam. Everything led me back to him; his arms, his scent... Everything.

"Leah?" A knock came on my door, accompanied by my moms voice. "You up?"

"Yup," I called out unenthusiastically; tiredly.

My door creaked open as my mom's footsteps came closer and the bed shifted slightly as she sat down on the edge. I let my eyes flutter open and I looked up to her. She knew I was more vulnerable in the mornings; this wasn't fair.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure."

She sighed, "I just want to help you. You understand that, right?"

"This won't help."

"You don't know that until you try it. Just promise me you'll try?"

I shook my head. "Whatever," I rolled over, on my other side, and squeezed my eyelids shut, frowning.

"Leah..." 

I knew if I opened my mouth, my voice would crack, so I stayed silent and moments later, after an uncomfortable silence, she got up and left.

As soon as I heard her descend down the stairs, the tears escaped my eyes, and I was breathing heavily; my chest weighted. I wanted this to stop, but even if it did, I would never have what I needed; Sam. He was irreplaceable.

"Leah," Seth called before entering my room. "Mom says it's time to go," he said warily.

I turned to him from my seat on my bed, half-watching the television, half-dreading four o'clock, "Kay."

"Come on," Seth half-begged. "Just try, Leah. Seriously. Mom doesn't _want_ to make you."

I scoffed, but reached over and turned the television off. I knew he was somewhat right, but I didn't want to admit mom's request was slightly accurate and reasonable. "I'll be down in a second."

"Alright," he said, seemingly convinced as he shut my door behind him, leaving.

I got up off my bed, going over to look in the mirror as I sprayed some sweet smelling body mist over my wrists, rubbing it in. I then averted my gaze to my eyes in the mirror. I looked at my reflection for a minute, gaining strength before I turned, running a brush through my short locks and exiting my room.

The drive to the office wasn't long enough in my opinion. Or maybe I just had no sense of timing. Either way, as mom parked at the front of the building, I sighed, turning to her. Seth stayed at home, with Embry. "Don't tell anyone else about this," I said unwaveringly. "Promise?"

She gave me a small smile, "Promise. Thank you, Lee."

I merely nodded before opening the door and getting out of the car.

"The receptionist will let you know where to go," she called before I shut the door and walked up to the red bricked building, hesitating before pulling the glass door open.

I was slightly embarrassed. I wasn't trusted enough to get through this by myself; on my own. It was degrading, in a way. Not that therapy was something bad, no, not for people who wanted it. I heard that it really was beneficial. Though, I didn't _need _it. I wasn't fixable. Someone couldn't sit down across from me in a large leather chair and tell me why I was feeling the way I was. Knowing why didn't erase the pain, or the hurt. _Why _wasn't the problem. It happened. Period. The why didn't matter. No matter why I felt the way I did, I still did, and there was no getting past that until I was naturally ready to. I had accepted that. When I was supposed to feel better, I would. It just didn't seem probable. I had hope, yes, it was just diminutive.

"Leah Clearwater?" A small, blond-haired woman asked as I entered a room after following the signs.

"Yeah?"

"Ms. Callot is waiting for you," she said gently, rising from her seat in a large, swivel chair. "Follow me."

I simply nodded and followed her down another long hallway to the second last door on the left. She reached over, opening the door. "You can go in," she said softly, giving me a gentle smile.

I nodded and stepped over the threshold to the sweet smelling office, hearing the door close behind me.

"Leah?" A woman asked, sitting in a rounded leather chair across the room. "Come in and sit down," she said softly, smiling over at me as she stood. I nodded, and walked over as she extended her hand to me. "I'm Ms. Callot."

"Nice to meet you," I said dully, shaking her hand before sitting down on the matching leather couch. I almost laughed at the irony. My sense of humor really had turned bitter like the rest of me. Really, it was like you saw in all the movies and TV shows; a small chair for the 'counsellor', a long couch, and a couple other chairs for the mentally challenged, and a small table dividing the two with a vase of flowers and tissues.

"So Leah," Ms. Callot said softly, sitting back down, crossing her legs as she picked up the small notepad she laid on her seat upon standing.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. What did they write down in those little things anyways? 'Is sad talking about things.' 'Is resistant.' Way to state the obvious. I was half-tempted to ask, though she continued.

"Tell me why you're here today." She kept her eyes on me, however, had a pen in hand.

I shrugged, "My mom made me?"

She nodded, her brow's creasing. "And how do you feel about that?"

Cli-fucking-che. "Like it's not obvious," I mumbled.

It was silent for a moment before Ms. Callot sighed, leaning forward and placing her notepad and pen on the table. I felt like clapping; that was a big move for shrinks - breaking cliché's and habits.

"What happened, Leah?" She asked gently, leaning back in her seat, re-crossing her legs.

"Where do I start?" I asked half-sarcastically.

She ignored it. "At the beginning."

"You'll be here a while."

"It's my job. To be someone you can trust."

"Trust," I scoffed. "Right."

"Clearly someone's broken that before," she stated gently; observing. "Tell me about him or her."

"And."

"What?" She asked softly.

"Him _and _her."

"Well," she said, nodding. "That's a good start."

**Authors note: So, this is a little different than my other Leah stuff, but I thought it would be fun to try out the difficult Leah. I also think eventually, after Leah shutting her and everyone else out, Sue would get sick of it, and I was listening to Coldplay's song 'Fix You' and the song gave me this idea, upon being a beautiful song. - Hence the name of the fanfiction.**

**Anyways! Give me feedback! **

**Review or PM me with your opinion and any ideas or suggestions for future stories, I'll update faster. :)**

**I've also been working on a Law and Order: SVU story for any of you SVU fans. :)  
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**- Dramaticfield**


	2. Scared

**Fix You**

**Chapter Two**

**Author's note: Thank you for the amazing feedback! (: **

**I wanted to clear one thing up: This isn't really a Leah-romance. Of course, there will be romance, however my main intention isn't for her to end up with someone, so don't worry about unfriendly pairings or Leah's devotion suddenly changing to anyone. If anything, the main romance is between Leah and Sam and Leah and Emily as she is trying to get over everything that they had been through, and let it go so she can eventually move on. Though, that doesn't mean she **_**won't **_**end up with someone. If she does, you and I will find out in due time. **

**Oh, and the chapters aren't just going to consist of therapy sessions, either.**

**Hope you enjoy! (:**

**Leah's point of view  
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Mom dropped me off at the clinic-like structure once more, the week after. The first session, apart from making the connection that my bitterness was in result to a broken trust agreement involving two people, was dull and uneventful. Even then, it was mainly perceived through cattiness and an unwillingness to actually let her in. Why would I? Ms. Callot was fine, by my standards, I guessed, but that still didn't convince me that I needed her, or any other counselor in my life. It was still, to me, a load of bull.

"Progress, Lee," Mom stated as I got out of the car, rolling my eyes.

Moments later, I found myself on that same, uncomfortable loveseat, waiting for Ms. Callot to enter her office-like living room, crossing and uncrossing my legs, annoyed and bored.

"Ah, Leah," I heard her middle-key voice breath from behind me as the door shut behind her.

Ms. Callot entered, her long brown hair hanging in wavy locks around her heart-shaped face. I envied the length of her hair, wishing I still had mine, though her dark brown eyes mirrored my own, her frame was lankier and shapeless in comparison to me.

I stayed silent, which only pushed her to talk more. Lovely.

"So, anything happen in the last week?" She asked, sitting down, leaving the stocked note pad on the coffee table again, like the last session. She was testing me; seeing what worked and what didn't.

"Nope," I replied simply, re-crossing my legs.

She nodded, "So we've established that you have a problem with trusting people."

I merely shrugged in response.

"Your mom told me on the phone a brief description of your behavior and the situation so that I can get a better understanding and handle on what you need to work on; how to proceed. I want to start with some cognitive therapy, then interpersonal therapy and then, finally, to behavioral therapy. The latter is harder to change, but if you get a better connection with your feelings and your inner feelings, then it may make changing common behaviors easier to break."

"So I'm crazy?" I asked simply, rerunning her suggestions in my head. "What are they anyways? I don't _have _any 'bad behaviors.'"

A small smile crossed her lips. "You don't hear yourself, do you, Leah? You're so negative," she shifted in her seat, re-crossing her legs. "That's a behavior; a recurring one. Tell me your version of what happened."

"What happened?"

"Sam," she replied easily.

I dropped her piercing gaze for a second, looking down at my twiddling thumbs. Sam. Just his name made my stomach bubble. With what, I wasn't exactly sure. Nervousness, loss, memories. But I wasn't telling her any of that.

"We broke up," I said, playing up the uncaring factor. If I showed her any weakness, she would keep prying for more and more.

Aside from the day we broke up, I hadn't cried in front of anyone. When he told me... Down on the beach... No, I wasn't going there. This was what she wanted; me to falter and blurt something stupid out. She wanted me to feel this way; reflect, so I would open up and she could 'heal' me. Yeah. Healing seemed pretty far-fetched. Not that I was in anyway un-fixable, it just felt like that on a bad day; which, admittedly, was most days. Only time would help and if my mom had saw things in that light, she would of let me come to things on my own terms. However, some part of me thought she could be right; maybe my own terms, by the constant reminders and revisiting of the past and the unwelcoming future, prevented me from healing myself.

"And how did that make you feel?"

My brows furrowed, "Little cliche, don't you think?"

She merely laughed, however lacking in mirth, ignoring my annoyed tone. "I'm just trying to understand, Leah."

"Understand what? What did my mother tell you that is so hard to understand? We broke up. It was hard. It still is. It's not the end of the world." My words surprised myself, to be honest, but they were firm; unwavering.

"It still is," she pursued, repeating my previous words. "What makes it hard?"

I scoffed, "Everything?"

Wasn't it obvious? Though, apparently she was used to resistance because she continued on even when I wished she would stop. That, or the little bell to ring signifying my session, thankfully, was over for another week.

"Explain."

I took a breath in, feeling my chest grow warmer; heavier. "He broke up with me for my cousin; my second cousin, Emily."

She nodded, waiting for me to continue.

I sighed. As long as she veered away from the cliches, I could tolerate her at least. "It was three months ago. Emily came to visit and he just... fell in love with her."

I couldn't tell her about imprinting, obviously, and I would probably consider my problems solved if I hadn't had to relieve his feelings for Emily everyday in wolf form. Without constant reminders, my pain would have long been lessened. I'd have to opt for 'It's hard to see him all the time' or something along those lines considering, 'Well, I get a front seat to his emotions and thoughts, and sometimes, pictures of everything that goes on between them' wasn't appropriate.

"What was your and Sam's relationship like before the break-up?" She asked gently, studying my facial expressions and body language.

"Perfect. The break-up came out of nowhere. We had been together for almost three years."

"And through-out the duration of your relationship, everything was completely fine?"

She was looking for flaws; some unhappiness to cause the suddenness of the break-up. But she wouldn't find one considering she couldn't take her clothes off and transform into a huge, hairy wolf with impulsive feelings and the ability to see someone and fall head over heels for them.

"Yeah."

"Did you talk a lot? Trust each other?"

"He was the first one I would go to about everything. He was there when I needed him and I was there for him when he needed me. There was nothing we wouldn't of done for the other. Sometimes, I still think that's true."

"Only sometimes? If he loved you, Leah, then those feelings haven't completely faded. True love never does; _first_ love never does completely."

"If? He did love me," I said, slightly defensively. "He did love me. If he didn't, I would of known and I wouldn't of been with him."

She seemed somewhat pleased with herself due to the emotion her question evoked; not in the twisted way, but a way that would further this meeting and make her job easier by cracking me. She didn't acknowledge it head-on, though. "Why do you think that he wouldn't do anything for you?"

"He has her."

"Her?"

"Emily."

"What were you and Emily like before her and Sam fell in love?"

"Best friends."

That seemed to take her slightly off guard. "And how did this affect your friendship?"

"The obvious way? If I could hate her, it would be so much easier, but she's family; we grew up together. A part of me does hate her sometimes."

"You envy her."

"She has Sam."

"Which is what you want."

I hesitated, a comfortable silence lingering in the room. "Which is what I've always wanted."

She nodded, grasping her notebook and scribbling some things down before putting it back down on the small table. "Do you and Sam talk?"

"No more than necessary."

"Why not?"

I raised a brow. "Because he has her."

"You're blaming Emily for your lack of communication," she observed unquestioningly.

"Emily was my best friend, if she had of told him she didn't want him like that, she would still be my best friend and Sam and I could of worked things out."

"But it's not all Emily's fault, Leah."

"It's sure as hell not mine."

"I'm not saying it was," she replied. "How close were you and Sam?"

I looked at her blankly. "As close as we could get," I hinted.

It didn't seem to take her too off guard, but she furrowed a brow. "So you were intimate," she said, nodding. "For long?"

"A year and a half."

"Frequently?"

"We weren't sex addicts, if that's what you're wondering," I said harshly.

She, once again, pushed my harsh response aside. I wasn't sure there was anything I could say that would surprise her, or take her off guard; nothing that she hadn't heard before. "But were you completely comfortable with one another when you started?"

I nodded. "Of course." I paused, "We didn't a lot; only when we needed to feel closer than we already were."

The small timer on the side of the desk went off.

"I'll show myself out."

I rose from my seat on the sofa as Ms. Callot spoke, rising as well. "Wait, Leah?"

"Yeah?"

"You can trust me."

I hesitated briefly. "Only because your being paid to listen," I said honestly before turning, and exiting the clinic.

Though, what I found outside waiting for me was something less than convivial. Or rather, _who_.

"What are you doing here?" I asked defensively, walking over to the red rabbit, the window down.

Jacob grinned having taken me off guard. "Picking you up. Seth broke his arm; he and your mom, along with Sam are at the hospital. He was on patrol," his grin had subsided. "I don't know what happened exactly, but it's only a minor break; nothing too serious. It should heal in five to seven days. Dr. Cullen is looking at him, obviously. Get in."

I frowned, "I should of been there."

"You were busy."

I bit my lower lip, hesitating as my hand gripped the handle of his Rabbit.

"Sue told me," Jacob said, studying my features. "It could be good for you." It was odd; the lack of mirth and harshness in his words.

"She told everyone?"

"Only me. I had to come get you. She trusted me more. It was either me or Sam. Take your pick."

I ignored him. "If you ever fucking tip the guys off-"

Jacob chuckled. "You'll what?"

"You'll see," I snapped, slipping into the passenger seat.

Jake merely chuckled off my half-empty threat, and I silently settled in for the ride to the hospital.

"How long have you been going to therapy?" Jake casually asked.

"Too long."

"I take it you're not particularly keen on it?"

"Keen?" I scoffed. "That's the last thing I am about it. Mom's making me go."

"She's only worried, Leah," Jake murmured.

"Like you care," I mumbled.

"I love Sue, like a mother. She's always there for all of us; and you. She's close with Emily, but you're her daughter."

"Then she needs to start fucking acting like it," I spat. "Shut up. I don't need you on my back, I already have a therapist claiming to fix every-fucking-thing that happened in the past few months in a few, high-priced therapy sessions. I don't need you trying to coerce me into anything. So just stop."

He glanced over at me, rolling his eyes. "This is why no one tries with you. You're so bitter."

"Congratulations, Captain obvious."

"Whatever."

The duration of the ride to the hospital was silent and my hands were balled into tight fists as we pulled into the parking lot. I considered bringing something up to start a conversation between Jacob and I as opposed to going in the hospital and seeing Sam - and probably Emily - in the waiting room. Then again, Seth may need me. Not that he usually did, but that wasn't the point. Jacob got out, waiting for me to do the same and I sighed, opening the door.

"I'm sorry," I said grudgingly. "It's a bad day. Okay?" I shut the door behind me, "Ever since this stupid therapy started... I don't even know. I like being left alone and someone prying into your personal life isn't a piece of cake."

Jacob looked at me, obviously slightly taken aback by my sudden admission. "It's cool," he breathed after a lengthy moment of silence that passed over us. He gave an abrupt nod and I followed him into the hospital, onto the fourth floor where, exiting the elevator, I saw Emily rubbing Sam's arm, sat down beside one another on the red upholstered chairs lining the wall. Mom was on the other side of the table, holding Embry's hand, and as the elevator dinged and Jacob and I stepped out, everyone glanced over. I avoided Sam and Emily's, going over to mom.

"Can I see him?"

Then, as if on cue, Dr. Cullen stepped out of the room directly across the hall.

"He's got his cast on, and a dose of painkillers, though, he's pretty high on adrenaline, to be honest," Carlisle chuckled. "He's one tough kid. Both of them are," he said, talking to mom as he gently flicked my chin in a somewhat fatherly gesture. "Take him home and get him to take it easy." Dr. Cullen's eyes glanced over to me, then back to mom. "She should take it easy, too, she looks drained. Get some sleep when you get home, Leah."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes, but nodded. At least he wasn't a complete jack ass, I had to admit.

Sue nodded, giving him a small smile before glancing over to me. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

"Not a problem, I'm going to get back to work. I'll see you all soon, I'm willing to bet, though hopefully, I won't have to," he gave Sam a knowing wink before disappearing down the hall, into another patients room as though he had them memorized. He probably did.

I turned, hearing mom on my heel as we both entered Seth's room, the others waiting outside. Seth was just getting up off of the small bed, a large, white cast weighing his arm down into the sling.

"So little brother," I said gently; light-heartedly. "How does it feel to be Christened into the pack?"

Seth just laughed; he was the only person who knew to take my sarcasm as some type of flattery. "It could of hurt a little less, but it was no big deal."

"That's the man," Jacob said, entering the room as well. "You've still got to beat me for the amount of bones broken, though," he teased.

Seth chuckled, standing as his arm rested in the sling wrapped around his neck. "You can uphold that one, I'm not too sure I'm ready to take on that challenge."

Jacob grinned, "I wouldn't want you to. How you feeling, kiddo?"

"Good," he breathed. "Lee?"

"Yeah?" I asked gently.

"You okay?"

My brow furrowed. "Of course, why?"

He gave me a knowing look; one that siblings exchange when knowing the other was in silent distress. I just nodded, going over to him. Did I really look that horrible? I wrapped my arms very carefully around him and he wrapped his one good arm around me. "I'm okay, what about you? Does it hurt?" I asked.

Seth shook his head. "Nope. I'm the man of the house. Men don't cry," he said, half-lightly. Though even if it did hurt, I knew he was too strong to show it.

I frowned. "But it's okay if you do."

"That's just as good as me telling you that, you know," he replied as everyone else came into the room, probably wondering what was taking so long.

"You're stronger than me," I whispered.

"Only physically."

I laughed gently, "Right. Good one. I can still kick your ass, little brother."

"Try me," he breathed as we both pulled back, grinning.

Seth really did bring out the best in me when we weren't fighting. There was always that genuine concern no matter what; he was just reluctant to care when I was being harpy. I guess I would be, too.

"Let's get home," mom said softly. "You have to rest, Seth, and Leah, I want to talk to you."

My brow furrowed. "Why?"

"We'll talk when I get home."

My gut told me it was about therapy, so I just nodded. Sam and Emily were in the doorway, anyways, so I didn't want them to hear shit all.

"I'm sorry, Seth," Sam murmured as we all exited the room, going for the elevator. "I should of been more clear with my directions."

"Now you say sorry?" I asked sarcastically. "Well, I never knew you could be so genuine. Could've fooled me," I breezed, mom giving me a disapproving look.

"Leah," Sam sighed, struggling to find some reasoning words.

"Save it."

The elevator was silent as everyone piled in, uncomfortably, watching out for Seth's arm and once we got downstairs, to the entrance, I got in the back of mom's car, Seth in the front as we all retreated to our homes.

I was sick of public affairs. Sam and Emily could stay the fuck home out of it; even seeing him... _them _together hurt to an extent where it was hard to feel the pain. I just sort of.. numbed out; changed. I was doing a lot of that lately. They had no right to be around me, or my family.

Getting home was a relief. I went upstairs to my room after making sure Seth was okay and settled on the couch, and my warm bed welcomed me as I snuggled beneath the sheets. I wrapped my arms around my torso, forcing myself out of the numbness that the car ride had made more prominent; deadening. I thought about the therapy session; the past.

I remembered when Sam held me in bed; his bed. The sheets smelled like his body wash, his cologne wrapping around me as we laid so close. Not even just after sex; in general. He calmed me in unspeakable ways. Some find comfort in what they can't explain and I swore, if Sam Uley took me into his arms right then and here, where I laid, I would succumb to his touch, unable to help it. Even now, when he accidentally grazed my arm, my skin lit up; burned. He still had something over me and I was afraid. Afraid that that bond or whatever it was would never break; I would always be broken because of some force he held: I was afraid.

That was a new one.

Taking a shaky breath in, my now damp eyes scanned the room. My chest felt warm and as I got up, out of bed, my limbs grew heavier. I was usually okay; the numbness frequently came and went, especially when we first broke-up, after the initial shock and crying. However, I was used to just feeling... bad. The numbness didn't usually take precedence now.

Usually.

Walking into the bathroom, across the hall, I locked the door behind me, splashing icy water onto my face, too tired and drained to get in the shower.

"Leah?" My mom called up the stairs.

"I'll be down in a minute."

Taking a shaky breath in, and wiping my face off, I looked at my reflection, biting down on my full, bottom lip; the one Sam Uley used to kiss. Warm tingles spread up my sides, and if only for the headache suddenly drumming in my skull, I wouldn't of known anything was around me. I felt soulless; dead and my empty eyes that stared back at me mirrored my feelings.

I loosened my grip on the counter and then, went downstairs, into the kitchen where mom was making eggs; Seth's favorite as he watched television.

"Yeah?"

"You look awful," she stated.

"Therapy doesn't help. Don't make me go back."

She faltered momentarily, leaning against the counter, looking at me; studying me, almost like the shrink had. "It's supposed to get worse before it gets better, Leah. Everything you've shut out... It has to come back. You have to get over it in a healthy way, not just block it."

"It's _easier _to block it out," I said, deadpanned. "You have no idea what it feels like to revisit what used to be. I've spent so long blocking it out and it still hardly works."

"Numbing the pain will only make it worse when you finally feel it," she said softly.

"I'm not numb anymore," I lied. "I _do _feel it."

"You are right now. It's written all over your face. It scares me; when you're like this. You're like... a walking corpse. Thankfully, it's not often anymore." Did that mean I was healing? That she totally just contradicted herself?

I took her words in, trying to let them sink down, and when they did, after a long, silent moment, I felt my bottom lip quiver slightly. "Mom?"

She strode over, taking me into her arms just in time for me to go limp, sobs flowing freely from my frame. One arm immediately wrapped protectively around me, and her other arm's hand went to my hair, pulling me close. I felt like I was giving up; weak; uncontrolled by my own mind anymore. It was easier to make the guys relieve my pain constantly because that way, they didn't have to deal with this side; the one continuously hurt over losing Sam. Hostility was better than tears. If I hated the world, the world could hate me. Then, they wouldn't see me break no matter how many times Seth came in my room through out the week, hearing me cry. Seth was my little brother and sometimes, he felt like my bigger brother. Without him... Things would be ten times harder.

"I'm scared," I managed.

**Authors note:  
>Well, I'm happy with how this chapter turned out! Thankfully, it didn't take me too long. Fix You is my top priority updating-wise and now that I'm done school for the Summer, it can be played with and toyed with much more!<br>As long as you review, of course!  
>Remember, the faster you review the faster the chapters come out!<strong>

**~Dramaticfield!**


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